So for the whole month of December I have been pretty much in a religious, Catholic funk.
I don’t want to blame my decisions on events that have happened to me (because everything that is a choice is within my control) but the month of December just kind of… sucked, to be honest.
Let me start off by saying that my grandmother of 75 years passed away earlier this month. I was extremely close to her. She died of ALS, which many people know of because of the ice bucket challenges going on this past summer. She wasn’t confirmed in this disease until October and then it just… hit her body like a ton of bricks. And once she passed away I just lost the motivation to go to Mass… and then that spiraled into not having the desire to go to confession along with many other mortal sins that I decided to commit.
I pretty much just took God for granted (which pains me to realize and type out).
I missed several Sunday masses, the Immaculate Conception, and the Nativity of the Lord. I pretty much skipped out on all of advent and Jesus’s birthday. How lame.
But yesterday I finally decided to get off my lazy butt and head over the confession. Lucky for me, I have a beautiful church right down the street from me and they were having reconciliation during my work break.
It was the oddest thing. I had my list all prepared for my confession (because I always forget sins that I committed once I get in there) and when I walked into the church a since of nervousness came over me. I almost decided to postpone it AGAIN. But I made myself go in there because I knew that I needed to be reunited with God. I am nothing without Him.
One thing I usually do during confession is sit in front of the priest. I don’t know why, but I’ve always done it. But this time I decided to stay behind the screen and the confession was just very natural. Once I was done, an overwhelming sense of peace came over me and even now I still feel it. I still feel the holy spirit within me and it’s a wonderful gift that I wish I hadn’t taken for granted. I wish I would’ve went to confession sooner.
I had a priest tell me once that when you go to confession God smiles. Isn’t that crazy?! The Creator of the Universe SMILES because you confess your sins and ask for forgiveness. I had forgotten those words that Father had told me and when I walked out of the confessional yesterday. I could feel the Lord’s happiness within my soul. When I went to receive the Eucharist tonight it was just… amazing. It’s hard to put into words how God makes you feel, ya know?
I’m not really sure what message I’m trying to convey here, because I just decided to sit down and write. But I hope it says something to you regardless. Please don’t be shy about going to confession. Don’t think you’re not good enough for Jesus because he’s waiting for you at the tabernacle. There is no sin that you could commit that would make Him love you any less. Please don’t bask in your selfishness like I did, because it only pulls you further away from heaven and our Lord. Or maybe you’re wondering why you should even go to confession in the first place? Here is an Catholic.com article for you!
On a light note: guess where I’m headed in two days? SEEK2015 in Nashville, TN! I’m EXTREMELY excited about it! It’s a conference put on by FOCUS, Fellowship of Catholic University Students, and student have the opportunity to listen to major catholic speakers. We’ll all get to have mass together, adoration, and it’ll just be one big catholic bowl of awesome. I can’t wait. I’m eager to listen to Scott Hahn speak because that man is my home boy, haha.
Let me know if you’re going as well! Maybe we can say hello or something.
Til then! God bless!